i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
