Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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