Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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