she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
