I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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