but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
