So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
