I seem to have left my pride at pride
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
