great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
