She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
