just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
