She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
