You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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