i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
