My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
