you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
