I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
