I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
