help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wear drunk well.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
