My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
