im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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