I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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