Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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