I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
