Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
