My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize