took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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