I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
