with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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