he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
