Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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