he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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