nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
