i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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