i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
