I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
