We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
