So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
