why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They took my balls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
