Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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