is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize