He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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