i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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