something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
