Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
