dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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