I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
