I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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