dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
