I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
