Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
