I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
