i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
worst night to have a conscience
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
