So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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