just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
