He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
