My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
