its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
