dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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