god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
