she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
