I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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