so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
