Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
