Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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