Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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