No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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