whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
