OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
