He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
