Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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